Deepak Chopra, M.D.

One of the most common – and most destructive – pitfalls in any relationship is the phenomenon known as projection. Projection occurs when  we attach a quality, belief, motive, or feeling that we have disowned in ourselves onto another person. For example, to avoid feeling that we’re not good enough, we judge others as inadequate.

Projection is destructive to relationships for two major reasons: 1.) It prevents us from truly knowing and accepting ourselves, and 2.) It prevents us from truly knowing and accepting others.  In addition, the traits or feelings we have denied in  ourselves have an unexpressed energy acts like a magnet, repeatedly attracting the “wrong” people into our lives until we’re willing to accept both the light and dark sides of ourselves.

Frequently, we are unaware that we are projecting and are unaware that the very trait we are projecting is our own. A man who secretly thinks that his boss secretly hates him may actually be projecting his own hidden rage against authority. Or a woman who is feeling tempted to have an extramarital affair may project her desires onto her husband and become obsessed with the idea that he is being unfaithful. At one point or another, we have all used projection as an unconscious defense to avoid looking inward.

Embracing Your Wholeness

The essential nature of the universe is the coexistence of opposites. You cannot be virtuous if you do not have the capacity for evil. You cannot be wise if you do not have an inner fool. And you cannot be generous if you do not have a stingy person inside you. In fact, the most enlightened people are those who accept their own ambiguity and full potential for light and dark. As the ancient Vedic sages observed, “The measure of your enlightenment is your level of comfort with your own paradoxes.”

The first step to stop projecting is to see when you’re doing it. Negativity is a major clue that you are projecting, for projection is never neutral. It expresses itself as negative energy because what it’s disguising is negative.

Contact your hidden feelings. The moment that you realize you may be projecting a hidden feeling, tune into what that feeling is. Don’t delay because the opportunity will quickly evaporate. Just before you deploy your defense, you actually feel that which you don’t want to feel. Ask yourself, What am I feeling right now? and notice the sensations in your body. Feelings are so named because we feel them in our body. Our mind may try to rationalize or dismiss feelings, but the body never lies.  To connect with your feelings, you will need to be alert, wiling, open, honest, and courageous.

Make peace with your feelings. Once you are in touch with your feelings, acknowledge them. Don’t attack them, bemoan them, attempt to change them, or even try to feel “fine” about your unwanted feelings.  All of these strategies reinforce denial of your authentic inner life. Feelings have feelings, and they know when they are unwanted and will cooperate by going underground.  Fear cooperates by trying to hide. Anger cooperates by pretending it doesn’t exist. It’s impossible to accept an unwanted feeling, and until you simply allow and acknowledge a feeling, it will persist. That is all you need to do. Tell your feeling, “I see you. You belong to me.”

As you practice acknowledging your feelings, they will start to feel less unwanted and then they will begin to tell you their story. Every feeling contains a story: “I am this way for a reason.” Be receptive to the story that emerges, no matter what it is. Most painful stories of guilt, shame, resentment, inferiority, and other primal negativity are rooted in childhood. Imagine the small child that you were and, as best you can, be gentle and accepting. Remind yourself that you had a valid reason for denying or rejecting a feeling or aspect of yourself.

As an adult, you no longer need to protect yourself from a childhood that is long past. You can now experience the full range of your emotions in complete safety, knowing that you aren’t a threatened child but a magnificent spirit. The more you practice allowing your feelings,  the more peace, love, and self-acceptance will expand in your experience.

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Healing from Painful Relationships
If you are having a hard time letting go of emotional pain created from past or ongoing relationships, consider  joining us at the Chopra Center for the Healing the Heart workshop this June 1-3, 2012.

Developed by Chopra Center co-founder Dr. David Simon, this life-transforming workshop is based on a unique five-step process that integrates the wisdom of the Eastern healing arts with modern psychological principles. In our compassionate setting, you will be gently guided by Chopra Center master educators Dr. Tim Brieske and Trista Thorp to identify and release the emotional pain and limiting beliefs that contribute to anxiety, addictive behaviors, chronic pain, depression, obesity, chronic fatigue, and many other physical and emotional health problems.
Learn how to forgive yourself and others, and – most important – fill the newly opened space in your heart with love, strength, and true fulfillment. Whether you’ve recently experienced an emotional upset  or you have been carrying the pain of old  wounds for a long time, Healing the Heart will help you rediscover joy and return to wholeness.

Learn more and enroll in Healing the Heart here.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

In my book “EMOTIONAL FREEDOM” I emphasize the importance of forgiveness and why revenge doesn’t work. Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense. It’s a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. There are no short cuts. Mistakenly, some of my patients, wanting to be “spiritual,” have prematurely tried to forgive after someone emotionally knifes them in the gut. First, you must feel anger before you can begin to forgive. I gradually guide patients to the large-heartedness of forgiving injuries either caused by others or self-inflicted.

Revenge is the desire to get even when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to feel angry, to say “I’m not going to let that **** get away with this,” whatever “this” is. However, revenge reduces you to your worst self, puts you on the same level with those spiteful people we claim to abhor. Additionally, studies have shown that revenge increases stress and impairs health and immunity. Sure, if someone hits you with a stick, you have the impulse to hit them back--the basis for wars. To thrive personally and as a species, we must resist this predictable lust for revenge, and seek to right wrongs more positively. This doesn’t make you a pushover; you’re just refusing to act in a tediously destructive way antithetical to ever finding peace. As Confucious says, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

What I’m suggesting is a version of “turn the other check” yet still doing everything to preserve what’s important to you. The hard part, though, is watching someone “get away with something” when there’s nothing you can do about it. Yes, your wife left you for the yoga instructor. Yes, your colleague sold you out. With situations like this in my life, I take solace in the notion of karma, that sooner or later, what goes around comes around. Also know that the best revenge is your success, happiness, and the triumph of not giving vindictive people any dominion over your peace of mind.

Forgiveness refers to the actor not the act. Not to the offense but the woundedness of the offender. This doesn’t mean you’ll run back to your battering spouse because of compassion for the damaged person he or she is. Of course you want to spare yourself mistreatment. However, from a distance, you can try to forgive the conscious or unconscious suffering that motivates people. Our desire to transform anger is a summoning of peace, well worth the necessary soul stretching.

To experience forgiveness, try this exercise from “EMOTIONAL FREEDOM’

Emotional Action Step. Be Bigger Than Anger--Practice Forgiveness Now

Here’s how forgiveness can work in a range of situations where you’d have every right to be angry. It establishes a kinder mindset whether or not you decide to confront someone.

Forgiveness is a paradigm-shifting solution for transforming anger. It liberates you from the trap of endless revenge so that you can experience more joy and connection. Forgiveness does more for you than anyone else because it liberates you from negativity and lets you move forward. Forgiving might not make anger totally dissolve but it will give you the freedom of knowing you are so much more.

CLICK ON LINK TO WATCH A VIDEO ON HOW TO TRANSFORM FRUSTRATION WITH PATIENCE.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

In my book “EMOTIONAL FREEDOM” I emphasize the importance of forgiveness and why revenge doesn’t work. Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense. It’s a state of grace, nothing you can force or pretend. There are no short cuts. Mistakenly, some of my patients, wanting to be “spiritual,” have prematurely tried to forgive after someone emotionally knifes them in the gut. First, you must feel anger before you can begin to forgive. I gradually guide patients to the large-heartedness of forgiving injuries either caused by others or self-inflicted.

Revenge is the desire to get even when someone does you wrong. It’s natural to feel angry, to say “I’m not going to let that **** get away with this,” whatever “this” is. However, revenge reduces you to your worst self, puts you on the same level with those spiteful people we claim to abhor. Additionally, studies have shown that revenge increases stress and impairs health and immunity. Sure, if someone hits you with a stick, you have the impulse to hit them back--the basis for wars. To thrive personally and as a species, we must resist this predictable lust for revenge, and seek to right wrongs more positively. This doesn’t make you a pushover; you’re just refusing to act in a tediously destructive way antithetical to ever finding peace. As Confucious says, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."

What I’m suggesting is a version of “turn the other check” yet still doing everything to preserve what’s important to you. The hard part, though, is watching someone “get away with something” when there’s nothing you can do about it. Yes, your wife left you for the yoga instructor. Yes, your colleague sold you out. With situations like this in my life, I take solace in the notion of karma, that sooner or later, what goes around comes around. Also know that the best revenge is your success, happiness, and the triumph of not giving vindictive people any dominion over your peace of mind.

Forgiveness refers to the actor not the act. Not to the offense but the woundedness of the offender. This doesn’t mean you’ll run back to your battering spouse because of compassion for the damaged person he or she is. Of course you want to spare yourself mistreatment. However, from a distance, you can try to forgive the conscious or unconscious suffering that motivates people. Our desire to transform anger is a summoning of peace, well worth the necessary soul stretching.

To experience forgiveness, try this exercise from “EMOTIONAL FREEDOM’

Emotional Action Step. Be Bigger Than Anger--Practice Forgiveness Now

Here’s how forgiveness can work in a range of situations where you’d have every right to be angry. It establishes a kinder mindset whether or not you decide to confront someone.

Forgiveness is a paradigm-shifting solution for transforming anger. It liberates you from the trap of endless revenge so that you can experience more joy and connection. Forgiveness does more for you than anyone else because it liberates you from negativity and lets you move forward. Forgiving might not make anger totally dissolve but it will give you the freedom of knowing you are so much more.

CLICK ON LINK TO WATCH A VIDEO ON HOW TO TRANSFORM FRUSTRATION WITH PATIENCE.

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

How To Tell Fear From Intuition

Signs of a Reliable Intuition

Signs of an Irrational Fear

For comparison’s sake, I’ll share radically different examples of how I use the above criteria. One morning I got two calls from frightened patients who both claimed to be hearing voices. Truly a typical day in my office! The first came from Bill, a schizophrenic who’d been skimping on his meds. Bill’s inner “voice” kept haranguing him, insisting he was a bad person, that his food was poisoned, that his son was being raped again by the grandmotherly babysitter. Believing these “delusions” (false beliefs unsubstantiated by fact), he was absolutely unhinged. So Bill kept calling the cops, who sent a squad car out twice, but found no threat. Tolerant but tiring of this, the officers warned that if he contacted them again, they’d haul him off to a psychiatric hospital. My other patient, Jean, had been coping with despair about her brother suffering from end-stage AIDS. Jean’s inner “voice” said to immediately fly to New York to join him, though he’d recently been stable. True of authentic intuitions, it came through clear-as-a-bell, oddly matter-of-fact and followed the typical progression of being “seen first,” then felt.

Both patients asked me, “What should I do?’ I urged Bill to take his meds and offered reassurance about his safety, a tack that had lessened his fear many times in our decade of working together. Jean, however, I supported in buying a plane ticket because her intuition felt so imminent, so right. Fortunately, she did, despite the expense and inconvenience to her job. That week her brother took a sudden turn for the worse, slipped into a coma and died within hours. Heart-breaking as witnessing his death was for Jean, she was able to be at her brother’s side in those precious last moments.  

Try to separate unhealthy fears from intuition. Though Bill’s case was extreme, you may also have some fears that belittle you or cause you to misinterpret danger. Perhaps in a fit of anger your ex-wife called you “useless” and you believed it. This is not intuition. Nor is being frightened of having cancer whenever a brown spot appears on your skin. Also, be skeptical of long-standing fears, say of heights; these are typically not premonitions.

If you’re en emotional empath, it can be especially tricky to ascertain which fears are authentic, helpful intuitions. Because you tend to absorb other people’s emotions, you may pick up their fear and think it’s your own. To avoid this, always ask yourself, “Is the fear mine or someone else’s?” One dependable way to find out is to distance yourself from the source. Move at least twenty feet away. If you experience relief, it’s likely you’re perceiving another’s fear. Although it’s fine to absorb courage and all positive emotions from others because they’ll strengthen you, you don’t want to absorb negativity. Move away, and keep releasing extraneous fear by exhaling it until the feeling passes.

While some apprehensions may be empathically linked to another’s feelings or, like Jean’s, are distinct intuitive warnings, the more garden variety ones reflect ingrained negative psychological patterns. To resolve these, you must know where they come from and do what’s necessary to loosen their hold.

Watch Dr. Orloff's Video on How to Transform Fear

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

How To Tell Fear From Intuition

Signs of a Reliable Intuition

Signs of an Irrational Fear

For comparison’s sake, I’ll share radically different examples of how I use the above criteria. One morning I got two calls from frightened patients who both claimed to be hearing voices. Truly a typical day in my office! The first came from Bill, a schizophrenic who’d been skimping on his meds. Bill’s inner “voice” kept haranguing him, insisting he was a bad person, that his food was poisoned, that his son was being raped again by the grandmotherly babysitter. Believing these “delusions” (false beliefs unsubstantiated by fact), he was absolutely unhinged. So Bill kept calling the cops, who sent a squad car out twice, but found no threat. Tolerant but tiring of this, the officers warned that if he contacted them again, they’d haul him off to a psychiatric hospital. My other patient, Jean, had been coping with despair about her brother suffering from end-stage AIDS. Jean’s inner “voice” said to immediately fly to New York to join him, though he’d recently been stable. True of authentic intuitions, it came through clear-as-a-bell, oddly matter-of-fact and followed the typical progression of being “seen first,” then felt.

Both patients asked me, “What should I do?’ I urged Bill to take his meds and offered reassurance about his safety, a tack that had lessened his fear many times in our decade of working together. Jean, however, I supported in buying a plane ticket because her intuition felt so imminent, so right. Fortunately, she did, despite the expense and inconvenience to her job. That week her brother took a sudden turn for the worse, slipped into a coma and died within hours. Heart-breaking as witnessing his death was for Jean, she was able to be at her brother’s side in those precious last moments.  

Try to separate unhealthy fears from intuition. Though Bill’s case was extreme, you may also have some fears that belittle you or cause you to misinterpret danger. Perhaps in a fit of anger your ex-wife called you “useless” and you believed it. This is not intuition. Nor is being frightened of having cancer whenever a brown spot appears on your skin. Also, be skeptical of long-standing fears, say of heights; these are typically not premonitions.

If you’re en emotional empath, it can be especially tricky to ascertain which fears are authentic, helpful intuitions. Because you tend to absorb other people’s emotions, you may pick up their fear and think it’s your own. To avoid this, always ask yourself, “Is the fear mine or someone else’s?” One dependable way to find out is to distance yourself from the source. Move at least twenty feet away. If you experience relief, it’s likely you’re perceiving another’s fear. Although it’s fine to absorb courage and all positive emotions from others because they’ll strengthen you, you don’t want to absorb negativity. Move away, and keep releasing extraneous fear by exhaling it until the feeling passes.

While some apprehensions may be empathically linked to another’s feelings or, like Jean’s, are distinct intuitive warnings, the more garden variety ones reflect ingrained negative psychological patterns. To resolve these, you must know where they come from and do what’s necessary to loosen their hold.

Watch Dr. Orloff's Video on How to Transform Fear

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

In my medical practice, I’ve developed enormous respect for the art of relationships, what makes them work or fail. In all successful relationships, whether with family, friends, or co-workers it’s vital that each person honestly examine his or her behavior and be willing to discuss it and change.

In this spirit, I find it useful to regularly assess how we’re relating to others--specifically if our behavior may be draining. In my book “Emotional Freedom” I discuss different types of draining people you may encounter who I call “emotional vampires.” These include, for instance, the chronic talker, the narcissist, and the drama queen. (See my blog, “Who's the Emotional Vampire in Your Life?”) But inevitably, we’ve all got a bit of vampire in us, especially when we’re stressed. So, give yourself a break. It’s admirable to admit, “I think I’m draining my spouse. What can I do?” You can’t begin to make changes in your life without this type of honesty. The solution is to own up to where you may be draining--then change the behavior. As a psychiatrist, I believe it’s those with real power who can step up first to surrender their ego, admit shortcomings, all in service of loving communication.

For instance, one of my patients, in computer graphics, kept hammering his wife with a poor-me attitude about how he always got stuck with boring projects at work. Instead of trying to improve the situation, he just kvetched. She started dreading those conversations, and diplomatically mentioned it to him. This motivated my patient to address the issue with his supervisor, which got him more stimulating assignments. Similarly, whenever I slip into vampire mode, I try to examine and alter my behavior or else discuss the particulars with a friend or a therapist so I can change. Don’t hesitate to seek assistance when you’re stumped.

To find out if you’re behavior is draining take the Am I an Emotional Vampire Quiz (from Emotional Freedom )

Listed below are some common indications that you’re becoming an emotional vampire. Mark “Yes” or “No” for each of the questions and give yourself one point for every “Yes” response.

Results of the Quiz:
Give each “yes” response one point and count up your score.

Your Score: 0
Congratulations! There are no signs that you are being an emotional vampire.

Your Score: 1
This behavior could be draining others. Start being mindful of when you do this and begin to shift the behavior. Then see if people are relieved.

Your Score: 2
These are warning signs that you may becoming emotionally draining to others. Ask yourself what is motivating you to engage is these draining behaviors and move forward to make positive changes.

Your Score: 3
You are showing some emotional vampire tendencies. It is time to compassionately examine your behaviors and begin to make a change. Do not beat yourself up. Be proud that you can be emotionally honest and want to be more positive.

Your Score: 4
You are showing moderate emotional vampire tendencies. Take a breath. Begin to tackle each behavior individually over time and take baby steps to change. For instance, if you tend to be self-obsessed you can begin to ask others about themselves. Celebrate every change you make to be supportive.

Your Score: 5
You are showing moderate-strong emotional vampire behaviors. You may ask your loved ones if they feel drained by a specific behavior--such as nagging or being critical. Then you can begin to be mindful of when you fall into it and start to change.

Your Score: 6
You are showing strong emotional vampire behaviors. You may ask your loved ones if they feel drained by a specific behavior--such as being negative but being unwilling to get help. Seriously consider their suggestions about how to improve your communication. Be compassionate with yourself all along the way.

Your Score: 7
You are showing strong to extremely strong emotional vampire behaviors. Be kind to yourself and set out to make small changes to improve one behavior at a time.

Your Score: 8
You have extremely strong emotional vampire behaviors that can be draining others in your life. Commend yourself for your honesty, but begin to understand what motivates you. Is it fear? Feeling less-than? Anger? Don't hesitate to ask for help--from friends who can offer honest feedback or a therapist. People around you will appreciate the positive changes you make.

The remedy for these draining behaviors is to start shifting your attitude. Journaling about this can help. Ask yourself, “Is there a particular trigger that creates the situation? If so, then how can you avoid the trigger? How can you become aware of when you fall into this attitude? Are there people you respect who could help you?” Now write out an action plan to shift these attitudes. Remember to be kind to yourself and begin with small changes – baby steps. Taking action can help solve the problem quickly as opposed to many emotional vampires who stay stuck in patterns for years. I promise: your relatives, friends, and coworkers will appreciate your efforts and your relationships will dramatically improve!

Click on link to watch video on How to Spot Energy Vampires

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

In my medical practice, I’ve developed enormous respect for the art of relationships, what makes them work or fail. In all successful relationships, whether with family, friends, or co-workers it’s vital that each person honestly examine his or her behavior and be willing to discuss it and change.

In this spirit, I find it useful to regularly assess how we’re relating to others--specifically if our behavior may be draining. In my book “Emotional Freedom” I discuss different types of draining people you may encounter who I call “emotional vampires.” These include, for instance, the chronic talker, the narcissist, and the drama queen. (See my blog, “Who's the Emotional Vampire in Your Life?”) But inevitably, we’ve all got a bit of vampire in us, especially when we’re stressed. So, give yourself a break. It’s admirable to admit, “I think I’m draining my spouse. What can I do?” You can’t begin to make changes in your life without this type of honesty. The solution is to own up to where you may be draining--then change the behavior. As a psychiatrist, I believe it’s those with real power who can step up first to surrender their ego, admit shortcomings, all in service of loving communication.

For instance, one of my patients, in computer graphics, kept hammering his wife with a poor-me attitude about how he always got stuck with boring projects at work. Instead of trying to improve the situation, he just kvetched. She started dreading those conversations, and diplomatically mentioned it to him. This motivated my patient to address the issue with his supervisor, which got him more stimulating assignments. Similarly, whenever I slip into vampire mode, I try to examine and alter my behavior or else discuss the particulars with a friend or a therapist so I can change. Don’t hesitate to seek assistance when you’re stumped.

To find out if you’re behavior is draining take the Am I an Emotional Vampire Quiz (from Emotional Freedom )

Listed below are some common indications that you’re becoming an emotional vampire. Mark “Yes” or “No” for each of the questions and give yourself one point for every “Yes” response.

Results of the Quiz:
Give each “yes” response one point and count up your score.

Your Score: 0
Congratulations! There are no signs that you are being an emotional vampire.

Your Score: 1
This behavior could be draining others. Start being mindful of when you do this and begin to shift the behavior. Then see if people are relieved.

Your Score: 2
These are warning signs that you may becoming emotionally draining to others. Ask yourself what is motivating you to engage is these draining behaviors and move forward to make positive changes.

Your Score: 3
You are showing some emotional vampire tendencies. It is time to compassionately examine your behaviors and begin to make a change. Do not beat yourself up. Be proud that you can be emotionally honest and want to be more positive.

Your Score: 4
You are showing moderate emotional vampire tendencies. Take a breath. Begin to tackle each behavior individually over time and take baby steps to change. For instance, if you tend to be self-obsessed you can begin to ask others about themselves. Celebrate every change you make to be supportive.

Your Score: 5
You are showing moderate-strong emotional vampire behaviors. You may ask your loved ones if they feel drained by a specific behavior--such as nagging or being critical. Then you can begin to be mindful of when you fall into it and start to change.

Your Score: 6
You are showing strong emotional vampire behaviors. You may ask your loved ones if they feel drained by a specific behavior--such as being negative but being unwilling to get help. Seriously consider their suggestions about how to improve your communication. Be compassionate with yourself all along the way.

Your Score: 7
You are showing strong to extremely strong emotional vampire behaviors. Be kind to yourself and set out to make small changes to improve one behavior at a time.

Your Score: 8
You have extremely strong emotional vampire behaviors that can be draining others in your life. Commend yourself for your honesty, but begin to understand what motivates you. Is it fear? Feeling less-than? Anger? Don't hesitate to ask for help--from friends who can offer honest feedback or a therapist. People around you will appreciate the positive changes you make.

The remedy for these draining behaviors is to start shifting your attitude. Journaling about this can help. Ask yourself, “Is there a particular trigger that creates the situation? If so, then how can you avoid the trigger? How can you become aware of when you fall into this attitude? Are there people you respect who could help you?” Now write out an action plan to shift these attitudes. Remember to be kind to yourself and begin with small changes – baby steps. Taking action can help solve the problem quickly as opposed to many emotional vampires who stay stuck in patterns for years. I promise: your relatives, friends, and coworkers will appreciate your efforts and your relationships will dramatically improve!

Click on link to watch video on How to Spot Energy Vampires

Adapted from Dr. Judith Orloff’s NY Times bestseller “Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself From Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life” (Three Rivers Press, 2011)

All our political candidates need to be sent back to compassion school. They need to take vows before they run for office that they will have compassion for we the people, for each other, for our global family, for the earth. These candidates need to become more than talk show hosts or master of ceremonies trying to woo us for votes. We condone such terrible behavior on television, candidates attacking each other, doing anything to win. Politicians shouldn’t be allowed to act so hatefully anymore.

I miss the time of the Philosopher Kings, creative thinkers with a conscience who were connected to the mysteries of human life and the universe. People who could get beyond their egos to see there is a greater meaning and purpose to leadership than grandiosity or power.

As a physician, I have devoted my life to helping patients heal hatred, self-loathing, and fear to get beyond their egos to experience the power of their hearts. True wellness can never occur if compassion isn’t a key ingredient to how we lead our lives. In my book “Emotional Freedom,” which proposes an ongoing experiment in compassion, I stress how mental, physical, and spiritual health is contingent on it. Compassion is the ability to put yourself in other people’s shoes, to have empathy for their feelings--even if you don’t like someone, even if you disagree with every word they say. This doesn’t make you a doormat or a pushover. It gives you the clarity of heart to make positive, smart decisions whether you stay in a relationship or not. When you can see where someone else is coming from, not through judgment but a desire to improve communication, we have a chance of transforming the world.

There are many arguments to perpetuate the bad behavior of politicians. These all break my heart. For instance, the argument that “attack ads work.” When this is cited as a good reason why candidates use them, it makes many people want to give up on human nature. Who cares if they “work” or not except for power hunger egomaniacs? Hatred begets hatred. There is no compassion here. There is no respect for the honor of the political process or the human beings engaged in it. Why would we ever want someone to be our leader who is hateful, vindictive, and lusts only for the aphrodisiac of power? Many people tell me, “It’s too late. Our system is broken.” I believe compassion is so powerful it can heal even broken systems.

I propose that every prospective candidate sign these vows of compassion before they are even allowed to run. They must be committed to national and international wellness. If they don’t fulfill these vows they need to be called on it with the same vehemence of any candidate who betrays their campaign promises. Compassion is one key factor that makes a candidate fit to run. It’s really not as complicated as everyone is making it. Compassion is a vow that can change everything, for us as individuals and for the political process.

7 Compassionate Vows for Political Candidates

It’s vital that we keep it simple and not give lofty intellectual excuses for why we and the candidates can’t try to be good, loving people in all our affairs. You can call me naïve, but I believe that to save the human race and this magnificent planet we are on, compassion must be part of our daily prayer. Some days we many achieve it, other days we won’t. But we have to want compassion, to fight for it, to vote for leaders who are committed to it. Leaders must earn our trust with the compassion they show. World leaders can be compassionate and also be strong, intelligent, and make decisions based on the welfare of all our human family.

Click on link to watch a video on how to Transform Frustration with Patience